Friday, April 23, 2010

Fess Up Friday: Wherein I Gross You Out and Possibly Make You Sad for Me

Okay, I am digging deep down to find my last scrap of energy so I can fess up to y'all tonight because I haven't blogged in a week, and that is just SAD.

So, last night I was at Target buying diapers, and I was using the restroom. I have a bladder the size of a walnut, so this isn't surprising. What IS surprising is that after nearly two years (insert cutsey phrase of choice to indicate that I started my period, but if you use the words "visitor" or "Aunt Flo" I will stab you in the face).

ANYWAY, I opened the shiny, metal trash receptacle to insert my feminine hygiene product of choice, and I saw a very familiar sight. I saw a discarded pregnancy test. Back in my heyday of trying to conceive, I was known to test in public bathrooms because I had just purchased a test, and I was SO SURE it would be positive this time, I just had to find out right away because how awesome would it be walk out of the restroom, meet Chris's annoyed countenance at yet another lengthy restroom trip with a "Surprise! We're pregnant! And don't you feel like a jackass for being so impatient?"

Long story short, I had to know if this test was positive or negative. I had so many scenarios floating through my head: a scared teenage girl hoping and praying that broken condom wasn't about to cost her her youth. A woman who had been coveting conception for months, maybe years, and was hoping to surprise HER husband upon leaving the restroom. Maybe a mother of four or five, who felt the all-too-familiar tenderness of breasts while cruising the diaper aisle, and, on a hunch, decided to take a test before returning to her brood.

I needed a conclusion for all these stories. Unfortunately, the test was face down. Somehow this made sense to me. Even though no one would know to whom the test belonged, I can understand why hiding that plus or minus from prying eyes would seem like the thing to do. But, mystery lady's privacy be damned, I was picking up that test to see the result!

Okay, be grossed out. But, I washed my hands after, and if you don't think you are touching someone else's pee every time you use a public restroom, you are kidding yourself, my friend.

Guess what? It was positive! That is either really awesome or really devastating news, but for some reason, I was relieved.

So, yeah. That's my confession. I'm nosy, and I have nothing better to do than dream up pregnancy scare scenarios in the bathroom of a Target.

Oh, and that I totally touched someone's pee. Because, let's face it, no matter how hard you try not to, you ALWAYS get some pee on the handle.


  1. I so would have done the same.

  2. Is it bad that this made me laugh like a maniac? Probably because I'm always making up stories about people's detritus. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

  3. That's awesome. And disgusting. But I totally get it.

  4. How can something be so gross and yet so understandable? Because it totally is.

  5. So the general consensus is Ewww! But you'd totally do it.

    Good to know!

  6. I would have picked it up too!! I would NEED to know.